Kids Say the Darndest Things
Apr. 28th, 2015 05:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mistkittBELATED BIRTHDAY DRABBLE FOR ULQUIORRA. Tell Yourself universe.
~
Jackie Tristan entered the Cifer residence with an exhausted sigh. She’d only pulled an eight-hour shift at work that day, but her coworkers had insisted she go drinking with them, and for once she’d had no excuse not to.
In the living room, Riruka Dokugamine reclined on the couch, balancing a pencil on her nose. A dollhouse was situated on the table before her. Jackie sent her a confused look. “They still in there?” she asked. Riruka held up a finger as Jackie approached. Faintly, sounds of rapid gunfire came up from the dollhouse, and through one of the tiny windows Jackie could see paint on the walls.
“We work for five-year-olds,” Riruka declared.
It was certain. Captain Inoue had staged her own death and run off with her lover, the two of them marrying in secret and having a child together. What her husband didn’t know was that Captain Inoue had never truly given up on revenge. The marriage, the baby, the obnoxiously pink house – everything, weapons in her arsenal of psychological warfare. All she’d had to do was wait until Captain Cifer had grown complacent…
…and he’d still beaten her.
Presently, Captain Inoue sat dying against the wall, a small heart on her sweater and an entire clip of paint bullets in her gut. Above her loomed Ulquiorra Cifer, her husband and the father of her child. The gun in his hand was empty, the look on his face betraying no emotion. “You were a fool to think that I would trust you,“ he said.
"What gave me away?” his adversary rasped, pretending to cough up blood.
“You had more guns stashed around the house than the couple from that American film.”
Orihime perked up. “Do you think Jackie-san and Riruka-chan have seen it yet? We should watch it tonight!” Ulquiorra stared at her. “Oh, sorry,” she put on a pained expression, “I knew I should have kept them in the shed!”
“To think you spent all that time waiting to take revenge, and you were still defeated. I almost pity you.” His voice was as cold as it had been in his hollow days. Orihime smirked.
“Who says I lost?”
Red paint splattered the back of Ulquiorra’s shirt. His eyes widened. He turned slowly, the weapon slipping from his hand.
Five year old Satsuki Cifer stood in the doorway, pointing a tiny paint gun straight at him.
“Have you met my number two?” Orihime cooed.
“Impossi—!” Two more paint bullets hit Ulquiorra in the chest. He fell to his knees. This couldn’t be. His wife’s betrayal, he understood perfectly well. But his daughter’s? He glared at the child as she walked up to finish him off. “Why?” he asked. “What do you stand to gain from this?”
Satsuki’s frown was identical to his. “The insurance money.” She looked over his shoulder. “Right Mama?”
“Right!” Orihime agreed.
Ulquiorra tried to hold onto his glare. With anyone else, it would have been easy. But this was his five year old daughter, and he could easily picture Orihime coaching her on what to say before they entered the dollhouse, and the little girl agreeing with all of her childish enthusiasm. What did a little girl know of insurance money? What would she even buy with it, a million pieces of bubblegum? He turned his head, hid his mouth behind his hand, and laughed.
Orihime gawked at him. Satsuki, startled at the sight, dropped her gun and flailed her arms. “I broke Papa!” she cried, her Ulquiorra-like frown replaced by a very Orihime-esque panicked face, which only made her father laugh harder.
Much later,when they were all out of the dollhouse, cleaned up, and Captain Inoue had been properly rewarded for her victory, Ulquiorra would assure his wife that as far as birthdays went, that one made the top five.
