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Shining Armor
A while ago I wrote some back story for Lucky Us featuring Marinette and her past relationship. Today, it’s Adrien’s turn.
~*~
When he imagines her, he sees a woman standing proud, chin up, back straight, fists ready, commanding authority. He sees the girl who fought bullies for him, who picked him up off the ground and wiped his tears and gave him the last of her chocolate bar. He sees someone who would move heaven and earth to make him smile.
It’s no big secret, then, why he jokingly calls her “mom.”
~
He is not prepared for her to fall apart.
There is no protocol, no warning system, no drills to practice.
One day she is firmly fixed between him and the world, the next she is broken glass and shattered vases and ripped violet curtains and roses scattered on the floor.
He cannot bring these two images together: his knight in shining armor, and the girl who lies sobbing in his arms.
~
Who will save her?
He sits in the hospital waiting room.
Who will save her?
Her father, tense, sits across from him.
Who will be her knight in shining armor?
Both of them think, please God, don’t let me lose her, too.
~
She asks him for a favor. Anything, he says. He’d give her the world if he could.
She says she needs him to love her. He says he already does.
Yes, but not like that, she says. I want to be loved like that, before.
He refuses to think about what comes after before.
~
So he takes up her discarded armor and tries to be brave, for once in his life.
He holds her hand and takes her out because she deserves it. He tells her that she’s beautiful because she is. He says that he loves her because he does, and kisses her the way a lover would.
Then he sits in the hospital waiting room and thinks, please God, don’t let me lose her, too.
~
Inside the suit of armor he remains the same. Still frightened. Still reluctant to move.
Seeing her on the hospital bed—fragile, scared, angry—he hates himself for burdening her with his weakness. He hates himself for forcing her to wear this ridiculous suit for so long.
He vows that he will be braver. Honest. Daring. Someone she can be proud to call her friend.
He vows that she will see him truly happy, before.
(Though he still refuses to acknowledge there is something after before.)
~
Then she dumps him.
It’s not working out, she says, and smiles.
He smiles back.
And the armor falls away, and he starts to cry.
Because for now, for now, for now, he will not lose her, too.