Pancakes

[mistkitt]

Originally posted 7/17/2014 

Luleiya told me I should write more crossover drabbles, so here’s Muse!Hime and TY!Ulqui, on the couch.

~

“And why is it so frickin’ hard to find pancake mix in Japan that doesn’t cost roughly the same as a Christmas dinner? Are you guys importing that shit illegally or something? Is there some kind of Aunt Jemima prohibition in this universe that I’m not aware of?”

Ulquiorra sensed a strange yet familiar feeling building up in his chest.

“That would be so awesome. Can you imagine? Underground pancake houses that you have to, like, knock on the door to the opening beat of Mambo No. Five? And if you don’t get it just right, they gut you like a kipper?”

His jaw clenched as he tried very hard to ignore the woman’s rambling. Why oh why had he taught himself English?

“Ulquiorra,” the woman had moved across the couch, and she leaned her entire weight on his left side, “I know you’re picturing this. Don’t worry about Mambo No. Five, okay? My idiot probably doesn’t know what that is either, so I’ll handle the knocking. You need to be the muscle, but also the charm, because the guy behind the peephole will take a look at me and be like,” she affected a very different accent, “‘Ain’t that a loose broad if I ever saw one! Frankie, check out the knockers on her, eh?’” She placed her hand on his chest, directly over his heart. “Then they let us in, and…” Her eyes grew wide, dazzled, and she gazed around the room as if she’d seen heaven. “Syrup. Syrup everywhere. Fountains of sticky sweet syrup in all the flavors of the rainbow! Gravy boats filled with the stuff! Scantily clad women pouring syrup into the greedy gullets of fat old businessmen!”

And he couldn’t help it anymore; he held his own hand to his mouth, seized by a silent shaking fit. Orihime drew back with a sly grin. Geez, it was about time; it’d only taken her half the afternoon to break him. “Are you laughing?” she asked in a tone of mock innocence. When he didn’t answer, she tried to get a look at his face, but he turned away from her. “Help me out here, are you laughing or having a seizure? Because I can call an ambulance in either case.”

“Stop,” he choked out.

“Or maybe the local IHOP? They’ll hook you up to a syrup IV drip. God, I want pancakes now.”

Ulquiorra straightened, hooked an arm around her waist, pulled her down roughly, and caught her with his other arm before she could fall across his lap. She stared up at him with wide eyes, red spreading across her cheeks. He wasn’t laughing, but he did wear a very faint smile. “It serves you right,” he admonished gently, before dipping down to kiss her.

Orihime sighed against his lips and slipped her hands into his hair, hoping that whatever had sent her to him would give her another month before she was forced to go home.